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Jumping to Conclusions in Fairfield County

Can you accurately judge the motivations of others in 5 photos or less?

 

There’s a whole lotta jumping to conclusions going on in Fairfield County.

Lisa Lindley, the once-celebrated girls lacrosse coach at , is accused of during a recent championship match versus . Regional news outlets published photos of the incident, which show Lindley, appearing enraged, lifting herself off the ground and knocking the player backward as other players walk nearby, apparently oblivious.

In another embarrassing public incident, the New Canaan in a highly charged online debate over whether or not the mother of four children should have been arrested for for roughly thirty minutes. While the mother was away, one of the young children wandered into a neighbor’s yard. The neighbors called the police to report the incident, who subsequently arrested the mother..

Viewing the pictures associated with the Lindley event or reading the basic details of the New Canaan arrest, it’s easy to draw fast conclusions. Lisa Lindley should be fired—now!—many Darien Patch readers wrote, because what kind of lunatic puts her hands on a child? And what’s wrong over in New Canaan, where apparently choice one when a kid wanders into your yard is calling the police—instead of simply walking the child back home and offering to babysit?

But truth’s publicity department doesn’t work with the same sense of urgency as the Internet rumor mill or even journalism itself.

In New Canaan, for example, the Patch comment thread later revealed that the neighbor of the arrested mother lived on a pond. The child had wandered over on multiple prior occasions and the neighbors were at wits’ end over the child’s safety, because other children and animals had drowned in there in the past. Suddenly, what was once obvious is now unclear—and in the meantime, the reputations of the arrested mother and the neighbor were in online tatters.

The photos of Lisa Lindley make her look bad. But let’s pretend that the dialogue that accompanies the photos sounds something like this:

HEY! GOALIE! Where’s your head? Where’s my star? WE NEED YOU RIGHT NOW! YOUR TEAM IS DEPENDING ON YOU AND YOU’RE NOT FOCUSING! This is it, your last chance before graduation to show your teammates that you can do your best, AND YOU’RE LETTING YOURSELF AND ME AND YOUR FRIENDS DOWN. Is this how you want to leave Darien, on the coattails of a sad-sack effort? YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT! REMIND GREENWICH WHY WE’RE THE BEST TEAM IN THIS TOURNAMENT! NOW GET TO WORK!

Suddenly, the photos don’t seem so damning, do they? But those who have played competitive sports at a high level know that these words and the intense way in which they’re delivered are the currency of top coaches around the world.

As a high school athlete in upstate New York, my teammates, coaches and I enjoyed a tremendous amount of success. I can’t recall that our coaches ever touched us as the Lindley photos demonstrate, but they were definitely tough. They pushed our limits physically and forced us to focus and leave our entire effort on the court and field at every game and at every practice and with no excuses—but we loved them for it and cared about winning desperately.

One coach in particular—Coach Cleve, I’m talking to you—expected nothing less than excellence every single day. Her caring and commitment to us and our sport brought us all the way to the state tournament. And I’m certain that every member of that team knew what teamwork was about by the time graduation day came.

Commentary columnists expect and enjoy the debate that comes from the sometimes-incendiary words we write to inform and entertain. But before we jump to conclusions about local news and engage in hurtful, personal online attacks, let us remember that these "debates" chip away not only at reason, but at the communities in which we live. 

Edith Middleton June 06, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Great article! Love it <3
Elmcrest June 06, 2012 at 01:48 PM
Two comments: (1) Even if your fantasy monologue from the Darien girls' lax coach were true, the coach's point could've been made more effectively without the facemask violation. The best, and most successful, coaches I ever had were even-tempered all the time, so on those rare occasions they raised their voice, you'd know it was significant. But if you yell all the time, I guess you have to physically yank your players' heads around to grab their attention. (2) The New Canaan community did not become "embroiled in a highly-charged debate" about the mom and her kids and the neighbor. A bunch of online posters, many from nowhere near here (thanks, Patch!) did. Most of the NC community understands the situation and feels no need to "weigh in" on something they did not witness.
Glen K Dunbar June 06, 2012 at 03:06 PM
As for the Coach. Not sure if She did get too excited w/the student or not. I was not there. I will say though that if She did She really needs to get a life and worry about the important stuff. These are games where Kids should just have fun and compete w/each other with respect and honor and play focused. But, not let it consume oneself. As for the Mom. I still say I hope She gives the Judge a polite piece of her mind when She goes to court. As for the Dog thing. IF it was an OLD man.... Ummm. For the Dogs sake I would have just busted the window w/whatever I could grab hold of. The old man should maybe have gotten a lecture instead of being carted away. Glen
Sue June 06, 2012 at 03:36 PM
As for the neighbor..."because other children and animals had drowned in there in the past"...I'm really surprised that the child put in charge did not have the "fear of god" instilled in them regarding the situation across the street. Perhaps he/she was changing a diaper or overwhelmed with another situation...but that certainly is a situation worth extra caution and care. Still not sure exactly what law was broken there as there are many 13 year old babysitters around. Perhaps there is more to the story...
Charlene June 06, 2012 at 04:46 PM
Although I didn't comment on either of those topic threads, I'd rather look at it as people "voicing an opionion" instead of "jumping to conclusions"
Lisa Bigelow June 06, 2012 at 07:22 PM
Thanks to all for reading and commenting. As far as the posters on the NC story goes, take some time and read the first few dozen of the 200+ comments left on the original story. It's fair to say that those commenters are, indeed, local. Voicing an opinion in a rational tone is one thing, but taking the time to look up a neighbor's address and post it online is something else entirely (the Patch editor later took the information down) -- especially considering that the information later turned out incorrect!
NewCanaanVoter June 06, 2012 at 08:32 PM
"Perhaps there is more to the story..." That's kind of the point.
Elmcrest June 06, 2012 at 10:17 PM
Don't scold us -- we did "take some time" to read the whole stupid thing. Again, it's clear, the New Canaan community did NOT become "embroiled in a highly-charged debate" here. About 60 people commented, most of them only once. There were 20 comments from out of town, from Norwalk to Pennsylvania, from Wilton to Waukesha, WI. Only three people commented in double digits. The main reason this "discussion" kept going was because ONE commenter posted a whopping 63 messages, nearly 30% of the total! I stand by my original assertion that the New Canaan community has not made this unfortunate event as big an issue as you and Patch want it to be (3 articles about it? 4? Come on!). Fact is, most New Canaanites have not become "embroiled" in this; the vast majority of adults in town, numbering in the thousands, understand it's not their business, they don't know the facts and background, and that "commenting" about it on Patch will have absolutely no effect on any outcome.
NCDad June 07, 2012 at 09:25 AM
Thanks for the article Lisa, nice to finally read an op piece on this topic from someone who actually "gets" sports.

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