When Your Child is the Bully

As a parent, we must teach our children to navigate their lives safely and help them balance school, recreation, family, and friends.

Yet even with all the new electronic distractions, many parenting principles — such as teaching your kids how to behave towards others — not only have not changed, but actually transcend the newest gadgets or fads. If you find your child has a personality characteristic that needs tweaking then, yep, it is your responsibility to do so.

Bullying is a particularly vexing characteristic to correct because we often don't see it — or, we don't want to see it. No one wants to believe their own child can be mean. It's almost easier to believe someone else is being mean to them. But no matter how painful, we need to acknowledge . Intervening early is easier for you both, and your child's behavior change will provide lifelong benefits. We all know that being socially appropriate opens up many doors.

Three lists to help your child leave bullying behind

How to Determine if Your Child is a Bully

1. A child who bullies at school may be a bully at home. Is your child aggressive or belligerent towards you?
2. Has your child stopped being invited out with friends? If being alone is new, you need to find the root cause.
3. Does your child consistently receive negative feedback from teachers, coaches or other parents?
4. Are other parents uncomfortable around you? Parents will mirror their children. If they are avoiding you, their children are probably avoiding your child.

Reasons Your Child Might Bully

1. Are you a bully? They might be modeling your inappropriate behavior.
2. Does your child read misread social cues and therefore behave incorrectly?
3. Does your child lack empathy or dismiss the feelings of others?
4. Does bullying camouflage or hide other feelings?

Steps to Help Your Child Stop Being a Bully

1. Sensitive topics are best discussed without an audience. Be sure you and your child have enough alone time to calmly discuss and review next steps.
2. Observe other children interacting with peers and family. Point out what behavior constitutes bullying. If your child is misreading these situations, gently but clearly explain the true dynamic.
3. Talk to your child about empathy. You may want to do some role-playing to see how it feels to be bullied.
4. Most importantly, catch your child "being good." When you see them making changes praise them. We all love praise and attention.

Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D., is the adolescent consultant for in New Canaan, CT and has doctorate in clinical psychology from Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, NY. She has presented on teen topics at many Connecticut locations including the in New Canaan, and Weston and Greenwich Youth Services.

If Your Organization Would Like a Presentation on Bullying from Silver Hill Hospital
If you would like Dr. Greenberg to present to your organization, please contact Heather Porter, Director, Marketing and Business Development, Silver Hill Hospital, hporter@silverhillhospital.org, 203 801-2378

This article appeared on the Huffington Post on August 6, 2011

Silver Hill Hospital’s blog is intended only to provide information; it is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. If this is an emergency, please call 911.