I Learned By Watching You

I wanted to share with you a story of opportunity, courage and role modeling that I experienced yesterday afternoon.  If you've been keeping up with local stories this past two weeks, you've read a lot about adults modeling for children; for better or for worse.

I wanted to share with you an example of one anonymous mother who unbeknownst to her showed a crowd of middle school and high schoolers how to take responsibility and do the right thing.I was at the  decorating cookies with many excited middle and high schoolers. 

Toward the end several students were standing near the windows where the completed cookies sat on a table.  Several kids noticed a large SUV having trouble parking, and when the driver eventually made the decision that she had the right angle of entry and hit the accelerator, she pushed up against the door of the car in the next spot clearly missing the angle and did what appeared from inside, some damage to the other car's door.  Many of the kids were now watching intently to see what would happen next... as was I. 

I was hoping in my heart of hearts that the driver would make the right call and leave her information behind.  The driver then backed out of the space took a moment, and quickly drove out of our site toward the exit of the lot.  Unbeknownst to the driver, several kids in the teen center immediately whipped out their cell phones to take down the license plate number to report the incident to the police. And I had a pit in my stomach because I knew that in the battle between good and bad choices, bad appeared to have won this battle and likely the consequences for leaving would be much worse than staying and taking responsibility. 

But just as I began to explain to the kids the importance of taking responsibility, and that we all have experiences in life where we get to make choices....the driver pulls back around the other side of the lot until she finds a place to park, and  pulls over with a pad and paper in hand to leave a note.  It was at that moment that the kids broke their attention from what was happening outside and went back to decorating.

I on the other hand, was rejoicing inside, for these kids just experienced an adult role model at work, and they had never met her, nor would they probably ever meet her.  However, this was a classic example of an adult being a positive role model for her own kids (she had three in the car with her and one inside decorating cookies) and for the other 25 kids...and me, who were intently watching from the inside ... waiting and wanting for her to do the right thing. 

I did go outside and thank the driver commending her on the wonderful lesson she had just shared with our group of kids inside.  Some might read this and say, "So what, she did the right thing.  Why congratulate her?"  And my answer is that we need to congratulate both adults and kids for doing what is right.  Just like rewarding your four-year-old with a high five, hug or kiss for cleaning up the toys he had just strewn across the floor, we need to reward those around us and ourselves for making healthy choices, especially when the right choice is not the popular choice or if it might bring discomfort to us. It is in these "Asset Building" moments that we make or take opportunities to intentionally or unintentionally teach our kids (and others' kids) both responsibility and courage.

To the nameless mother of four, who made the right call "Thank you for being a role model."  We learned yesterday... by watching you.

See this related blog by Silver hill Hospital's own Dr. Barbara Greenberg.